And not in Goddamn circles. Circles aren't the worst thing. They can be fun (if you happen to be a hamster), and you can still learn from a circle. But you don't get anywhere. And that's beyond frustrating.
My subconscious offers this song: U2's "Running to Stand Still."
And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was lyin' still.
Said I gotta do something
About where we're goin'.
Step on a fast train
Step out of the driving rain, maybe
Run from the darkness in the night.
Singing ah, ah la la la de day
Ah la la la de day.
U2's lyrics are open to interpretation, and mean a wide variety of things to a wide variety of people. (Isn't that what makes music so fucking awesome? It unifies us even in our variance.) For me, it's especially poignant, especially now. I don't want to go back to how things were before, be it last year, or 6 months ago, or even yesterday. I must move forward. Recognize my mistakes. Change, going forward, even if it's difficult. Even if it's painful.
I don't want to settle in life. I want my life to be amazing. I want my family's life to be amazing.
So change. And impermanence. As much as I aspire to acceptance, I'm starting to see this quality as a weakness. Sure, it can be useful in given situations. You didn't get that promotion? Fuck it. Something better will come along. He doesn't love you back? Fuck it. Not meant to be. Papercut? Same. Cancer? Same. Yes, this attitude will help you cope. But does it really do you any favors in the long run?
Change is scary. Sometimes terrifying, as with our new President-elect. I'm not talking about that now.
But regret is even more terrifying.
Maybe the Universe has an order to it. Maybe some things depend on "fate" or "chance." Some things are out of our control. This must be true. It has to be. But some things don't, and aren't. Perhaps some things have to be set in motion by us, subconsciously or otherwise. And making that realization is the first step in owning your life and future happiness.
J. L. Dodd
"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." - Steve Jobs
"The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little." - Thomas Merton
“So the story of man runs in a dreary circle, because he is not yet master of the earth that holds him.”
- Will Durant
“You are not responsible for the past, but insofar as you do nothing, you are complicit in the present created by it.”
- Jonathan R. Miller
Links:
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/settle.html
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/history-repeating-itself
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