I blame my job for making me this way (where I work with the public, in a small town, no less). I don't think it's unusual for me to feel this way. I've talked to my coworkers and friends in similar lines of work, and they feel the same as I do. It must be caused by some precise convergence of variables that occur in small towns.
I feel like I've been hibernating (when at all possible) for the last 5 or 6 years. My motto was always, "I'd rather stay home." Hello Agoraphobia! I get it now. And the fact that my children were small and dependent gave me the perfect cover.
But my children are no longer small and dependent. My youngest is 12, and nearly as tall as I. Slowly, but surely, things have been changing for me. Over the last year, I've been reconnecting with long lost friends and spending my weekends visiting with friends and family. In case you're wondering, it's a great feeling. No shit.
I think ... I'm ready to come out of my hibernation. I've realized the importance of human connections toward lifelong happiness. And, shocker! When I've been forced to be social (out of guilt or obligation)? It's not nearly as bad as I thought. Sometimes, it's even fun. It definitely makes me feel normal, like I'm a part of the human race. And isn't that what we all want? To be "normal"? To feel like we belong in any given group of humans?
I still refuse to go to Safeway, though, where I'll be forced to engage in multiple awkward conversations with acquaintances. That place is truly an alternate form of Hell. And the prices!
*sigh*
I wanted to write about something exceedingly flippant today. All my writing of late has reflected my thinking of late, and has been particularly heavy: theoretically, emotionally, politically. I think I needs to find me some drivel and dig in. Imma do that (as soon as I finish my five books).
But first, I want to share a random YouTube video that my kids find hilarious:
Why? I've no flippin' idea. I'm out.
J. L. Dodd
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