Thanks, Obama!

So the beginning of November was a veritable shit storm. And the middle. And the end. For myself, on a personal level. For all of us, on a national level. Can this month end already?

After conferring with my advisors, we've decided that the November super moon and Trump are co-conspirators. I'm now wondering how far the shit storm spread. Did it effect people's personal and professional lives in India? Antarctica? Brooklyn?

I'm hoping that when November ends, this craziness will end. Yes, yes, I'm aware that the overall craziness in any population is directly proportional to the proximity of Christmas. Not this year, people. I refuse. This year is going to be chill. Gift cards all around.

But if it isn't, at least I have a new scapegoat. We (my closest advisors and I) have now coined, "Fucking Trump!" (Can be abbreviated as FT!) It's universal and pretty much covers everything. It replaces "Thanks, Obama!" Credit to Jenna Marbles for popularizing the phrase (I think).

Jenna Marbles "Thanks, Obama!"

Nope. It goes way deeper than that. HFS!

History of "Thanks, Obama!"

He's a good sport. He's always been a good sport.

So this is your chance, people. Republicans (and everyone else) had their run with it for the last eight years. No matter what goes wrong in your life, be it job loss, a headache, or you misplaced your keys again, just say, "Thanks, Trump!" It doesn't have to make sense. It's his fault. Somehow.

J. L. Dodd

I looked at "Thanks, Obama!" memes for 45 minutes before I decided to go in a different direction with my quotes.

Thanks, Obama.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

"We, the People, recognize that we have responsibilities as well as rights; that our destinies are bound together; that a freedom which only asks what's in it for me, a freedom without a commitment to others, a freedom without love or charity or duty or patriotism, is unworthy of our founding ideals, and those who died in their defense."

"Let us remember we are all part of one American family. We are united in common values, and that includes belief in equality under the law, basic respect for public order, and the right of peaceful protest."

"Now, as a nation, we don't promise equal outcomes, but we were founded on the idea everybody should have an equal opportunity to succeed. No matter who you are, what you look like, where you come from, you can make it. That's an essential promise of America. Where you start should not determine where you end up."

-President Barack Obama

Links:

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/b/barack_obama.html

Leaving my comfort zone

So, I'm a little antisocial. I get anxiety when I am put in unfamiliar social situations (this last week it was just a parent/teacher conference.). My anxiety can worsen to the point where I will bail on something I've committed to (birthday parties, school carnivals, outings with a group of friends, trips to Safeway [the horror!]). If I can't bail, I will use my phone or a book as a barrier to distance myself and discourage contact. Some might think I'm a stuck up bitch, but please, people, I'm just shy and a wee bit reclusive.

I blame my job for making me this way (where I work with the public, in a small town, no less). I don't think it's unusual for me to feel this way. I've talked to my coworkers and friends in similar lines of work, and they feel the same as I do. It must be caused by some precise convergence of variables that occur in small towns.

I feel like I've been hibernating (when at all possible) for the last 5 or 6 years. My motto was always, "I'd rather stay home." Hello Agoraphobia! I get it now. And the fact that my children were small and dependent gave me the perfect cover.

But my children are no longer small and dependent. My youngest is 12, and nearly as tall as I. Slowly, but surely, things have been changing for me. Over the last year, I've been reconnecting with long lost friends and spending my weekends visiting with friends and family. In case you're wondering, it's a great feeling. No shit.

I think ... I'm ready to come out of my hibernation. I've realized the importance of human connections toward lifelong happiness. And, shocker! When I've been forced to be social (out of guilt or obligation)? It's not nearly as bad as I thought. Sometimes, it's even fun. It definitely makes me feel normal, like I'm a part of the human race. And isn't that what we all want? To be "normal"? To feel like we belong in any given group of humans?

I still refuse to go to Safeway, though, where I'll be forced to engage in multiple awkward conversations with acquaintances. That place is truly an alternate form of Hell. And the prices!

*sigh*

I wanted to write about something exceedingly flippant today. All my writing of late has reflected my thinking of late, and has been particularly heavy: theoretically, emotionally, politically. I think I needs to find me some drivel and dig in. Imma do that (as soon as I finish my five books).

But first, I want to share a random YouTube video that my kids find hilarious:

Why? I've no flippin' idea. I'm out.

J. L. Dodd

Moving forward

Moving forward, not backward. That's what I want to do.

And not in Goddamn circles. Circles aren't the worst thing. They can be fun (if you happen to be a hamster), and you can still learn from a circle. But you don't get anywhere. And that's beyond frustrating.

My subconscious offers this song: U2's "Running to Stand Still."

And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was lyin' still.
Said I gotta do something
About where we're goin'.

Step on a fast train
Step out of the driving rain, maybe
Run from the darkness in the night.
Singing ah, ah la la la de day
Ah la la la de day.

U2's lyrics are open to interpretation, and mean a wide variety of things to a wide variety of people. (Isn't that what makes music so fucking awesome? It unifies us even in our variance.) For me, it's especially poignant, especially now. I don't want to go back to how things were before, be it last year, or 6 months ago, or even yesterday. I must move forward. Recognize my mistakes. Change, going forward, even if it's difficult. Even if it's painful.

I don't want to settle in life. I want my life to be amazing. I want my family's life to be amazing.

So change. And impermanence. As much as I aspire to acceptance, I'm starting to see this quality as a weakness. Sure, it can be useful in given situations. You didn't get that promotion? Fuck it. Something better will come along. He doesn't love you back? Fuck it. Not meant to be. Papercut? Same. Cancer? Same. Yes, this attitude will help you cope. But does it really do you any favors in the long run?

Change is scary. Sometimes terrifying, as with our new President-elect. I'm not talking about that now.

But regret is even more terrifying.

Maybe the Universe has an order to it. Maybe some things depend on "fate" or "chance." Some things are out of our control. This must be true. It has to be. But some things don't, and aren't. Perhaps some things have to be set in motion by us, subconsciously or otherwise. And making that realization is the first step in owning your life and future happiness.

J. L. Dodd

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." - Steve Jobs

"The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little." - Thomas Merton

“So the story of man runs in a dreary circle, because he is not yet master of the earth that holds him.”
- Will Durant

“You are not responsible for the past, but insofar as you do nothing, you are complicit in the present created by it.”
- Jonathan R. Miller

Links:

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/settle.html

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/history-repeating-itself

Fok me

I'm tired. I've been up since 3 am doing a little of this, a little of that. So I'm just going to write, and try not to second-guess, and see where I end up.

I don't want to write about the election, my disappointment, or how I feel ashamed of our country. Unnecessary. Really, USA? Really?  I acknowledge that people make mistakes. Fuck, I make mistakes all the time. My math is terrible, I can be hella judgmental at times, and I'm a lazy bitch. But this is different. The simple statement we made by electing him and thus, in a sense, validating his views is a colossal mistake on it's own. It's embarrassing. For anyone who wants to move, I feel you. Because on top of this, there is no way to predict how we will pay for it in the next four years. Worse, this mistake was made by the whole country. Actually, no. I'm at least glad that I can count myself as part of the 6.8 million who voted for Hillary. 

As devastating as Trump's win has been, I'm finding hope in those with the courage to voice their dissension, from celebrities to coworkers to friends and family. Yes, it's done. He won. He will be our president in January. But we don't have to be happy about it. We don't have to make it easy for him. And as Americans, it's our right to question. To openly show dissent. To say, "Fuck that shit."

So that's what I'm doing. And I don't care who knows. Sorry Mom. Sorry Dad. You taught me to think for myself, so you can't complain when my opinion is opposite your own.

Okay. I do feel better, but enough. I've been thinking about this too much and I refuse to dwell on things that make me unhappy.

I don't want to write about my writing. Not much progress there. Too much going on. Just getting through the day is struggle enough.

I don't want to talk about music. Or do I? It just doesn't seem important right now, though I will say this: Vessel, by Twenty One Pilots is just as good or better an album than Blurryface. I especially like "Trees," "Screen," and "Migraine." And "Ode to Sleep." And "Fake You Out." Listening to this (to try to pick a few favorites) is literally changing my outlook on this day from a negative to a positive. And it's fucking Sunday.

Try it. You'll like it.

Vessel YouTube stream

Not to mention I want to dance, and people, I can't dance. Correction: physically, I can, but for the love of God, I shouldn't. It's not quite as bad as Elaine Benes on Seinfeld, but it's close. It wasn't always that way. Or was it? In sixth grade, my friend Meggen and I started a dance club (we put up signs around our neighborhood) and spent hours in her front yard dancing to MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. We were experts at the Roger Rabbit, that much I am certain of. And I used to know the moves to Electric Slide, as robotic and unimaginative as they are. Fortunately or unfortunately, all that overflowing rhythm and coordination has long since disappeared. I'll blame adulting. It has a way of doing that to a person. That's my excuse, anyway. 

I still dance. But only if I'm moved. And no one is watching.

There's plenty of other things I don't want to talk about, but I'll save those for next time.

J. L. Dodd

Excerpt from "Migraine"

I-I-I I've got a migraine

And my pain will range from up, down, and sideways

Thank God it's Friday cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays

'Cause Sundays are my suicide days

I don't know why they always seem so dismal

Thunderstorms, clouds, snow and a slight drizzle

Whether it's the weather or the ledges by my bed

Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head

Let it be said what the headache represents

It's me defending in suspense

It's me suspended in a defenseless test

Being tested by a ruthless examiner

That's represented best by my depressing thoughts

I do not have writer's block my writer just hates the clock

It will not let me sleep I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead

And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head

Links:

https://play.google.com/music/preview/Tdec4xcwu3coc7bivoc24jniduy?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics