Emotional ... The concert and more

I've been feeling unhappy. Okay, not just unhappy, fucking fucked up. An unfortunate series of events has left me questioning everything I'd decided I wanted to do with my life. How can I start my own business and publish my own book when I can barely get through the day sometimes? And when will I have time to process the six cubic tons of laundry I do each week? And what should be the priority? And how do I balance it all? And does any of it even matter? And what if I get run over by a bus tomorrow or have a heart attack or spontaneously combust? And why are my kids so fucking messy all the time?

I totally do this.

I realize I'm being melodramatic, but these are merely a sampling of the questions that run through my head one hundred times a day.

A friend of mine recently put things in perspective though. I hadn't seen her in months, and when she came to see me at my work, she said, "I was thinking about you on the way here. I hope you are doing good, but I know you are doing better than me." A few weeks earlier, she had tripped in a parking lot, landed on her elbows, breaking both. One required surgery, and the other they could do nothing for but let it heal. She was unable to work, and had accumulated $19,000 in medical bills so far. Which is horrible. And fuck yes, I am doing better than her. And each time another unfortunate event hits me, I think, at least I don't have two broken elbows. Or, as my co-worker crassly pointed out, at least I can still wipe my own ass.

See, your life isn't so bad, is it?

So fuck you resistance. (Yeah, yeah, I'm always saying that but fucking do something, for the love of God!) Who cares if I accidentally deleted the most recent Word files of my book because I'm an idiot and someone at Microsoft thought it would be great if the files on my computer would sync to my OneDrive even when deleting? Seriously? I'll accept my responsibility in that I was ignorant of how the syncing worked in both directions, but isn't the point of having an online drive that if something happens to your computer or your phone or you are a complete fucking idiot and delete a bunch of shit from your computer, that you still have the files backed up online?

It's fucking amazing how much better I feel after expelling a few profane words. Be warned: I'm going to continue with this in an effort to lift myself up and improve my mood.

There was something good. A few things actually, but one stands out. I went to a Twenty One Pilots concert in Tucson, and it was F-U-C-K-I-N-G A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. So worth the money and the time spent driving and waiting in lines. I could write an entire 50-page dissertation on my experience, but I'm lazy, and it was a month ago now, so instead I'll share my only complaint: I wanted them to sing "Forest" and "Ruby." I learned something I didn't know up until this point (because I didn't figure it out for myself, and it probably didn't say it in the first paragraph of Wikipedia). TOP is considered (by many) to be a Christian group. Wow. I had no fucking idea. But I'll go into that another time.

This is my pic, gearing up for the finale. FA!

BTW, Happy St. Patrick's Day!

J. L. Dodd

"Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint and another one!" - Irish saying

Links:

http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/better_look/top-50-irish-sayings-proverbs.html