I can see it now: enraged moviegoer goes on a nap rampage. Given the state of this country, let's stick with that. There's a lot of fucked-up shit going on in this country, so it's no longer funny to joke about out-of-control people doing messed up crap and blaming any random scapegoat.
That said, the movie was terrible. And yes, obviously I am biased. I think part of my problem was unrealistic expectations. I was expecting this movie to cover the first and possibly the second books of the series. I mean, how do you condense seven epic books into a single movie? It's impossible, and yet, they still tried, resulting in a horrid mess of plot lines and seriously underdeveloped characters and ideas.
How do you make this movie without including Susannah or Eddie or Oy?
And what really ticked me off was the differences in Roland's character and motivations. I feel like I don't know this movie Roland. This Roland is some half-assed, watered-down version of my Roland. In fact, I'm not even going to call him Roland any more. I'm going to call him Lenny. He seems like a Lenny. That's how bad it was.
First, and most annoying, there is no way in fucking hell that Roland would deny or make light of being a gunslinger. Roland was a lot of things, and he had plenty of issues, but he was forthright and honest about who and what he was.
Also, Lenny's motivations were different. Lenny only cared about revenge, which made finding and killing Walter his only goal. He didn't care about the tower or the end of all creation, which made him a douche of a hero.
For Roland, reaching the tower is all that he lived for for hundreds, possibly thousands of years, and he'll sacrifice anything and everyone in order to get there. And if that means preserving the beams and saving the world, he'll do it.
Lenny's "love" for Jake doesn't make any sense; it seems to come out of nowhere. Yes, Jake can help Lenny find Walter, but that's it. There is no progression or even reason that Lenny should feel more. I scoffed, yes scoffed, in the movie when Walter tells Jake, "He doesn't love you," or something to that effect. No, he shouldn't love you. If he does, that's just dumb.
Roland, on the other hand, allowed Jake to die in exchange for a palaver with Walter. This weakness torments him for some time, but when he gets Jake back, his affection for the boy grows in increments until he considers him his son.
Why do they have to say "shine" in the movie instead of "touch"? That one little thing really bothered me. Perhaps because I was already bothered.
I could go on and on, but suffice to say, it was very fucking disappointing. I may honestly consider screenplay writing after watching this movie. I think I could have done a better job.
J. L. Dodd
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